I’m Gay. To some this is not a new announcement, However to many it will be. For those of you who take issue with this fact, you have two choices. You can either get over it, or leave my site. This is not something new, or something I decided to do one day, this is the way I have always been. Until recently though I had decided to conceal this part of my life online as some of the people who read this site could have potentially caused me serious harm. They are also not the kind of people to take such news well or with any degree of acceptance. The people I speak of (mostly) are my Father and Stepmother. A few weeks ago my father had a stroke and while his prognosis remains good, the chances that he will be visiting this site in the future are almost zero. I remember him telling me stories of his youth, when he and his friends would beat up gay guys. So, when I came out to him years ago and he told me “Bullshit, you’re not gay.” I did not push the issue and let him slip into a comfortable system of denial. As for my Stepmother, discovering this fact will surely not be a surprise as I have been teased and insulted by her and her sons for years. In addition, I am not even sure she remembers I have this place. When I lived with them an unofficial and unspoken rule regarding my sexuality was in play and it goes as follows: They knew, I knew that they knew, but they made believe that they did not know and I made believe that I believed that they did not know, but knew that they knew. It’s complicated I know. However, since nothing they can currently do poses any kind of threat to me, I have chosen now to tell you. I realize that I am not obligated to do so, I owe you nothing. I am doing this for me. I should also say that this lag time between telling some people and telling the world has allowed me time to heal, some people did not take the news well and I suffered a broken heart for a long time. For some this information brings about some questions, below are the top five that I have been asked.
Are you sure?
I risked everything to come out, don’t you think I would be certain? Yes, I’m sure.
How long have you known?
I knew I was different since I was three years old. I never understood the interest men had with women, I just assumed I was strange. It was not until I was twelve or thirteen that I found out what the term gay was, and that it applied to me. (Thanks, Ellen DeGeneres
Did you choose this?
To live a more difficult life? A life of ridicule and prejudice? No, not by a long shot.
Why not stay in the closet?
There is no happiness in that small dark place.
Are you doing this to be with someone?
No, I am still the antisocial, jaded, shut-in I have always been. You won’t be seeing me at the bars or clubs anytime soon.
Finally, the question you (the reader of my blog) will most likely be asking : What does this mean for the site?
Nothing, you will not suddenly see pictures of rainbow flags and half naked muscle men here. You may see a gay interest news story or two, but that is about all you can expect. I am still not ready to return here and begin posting again but when I do, there will be no reason for me to censor myself.
(FYI- I totally called the Ricky Martin thing years ago. I would claim to have called Lance Bass as well, but that was really teenage era wishful thinking.)